


Clone Commanders Chat and welcome to Haran

by Starflight_Writes



Series: Clone Wars Randomness [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Clone Wars, F/M, M/M, Star Wars - Freeform, cody gets jealous, fox is a good guy, random shit happens, wolffe bites people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25004569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starflight_Writes/pseuds/Starflight_Writes
Summary: This was inspired by numerous chatfics and there aren't enough so I decided to make one myself!Fox is bored and decides to make a group chat for his batchmates. Warning: Has swearing in it.Osik happens and goes wrong.Fox is a shavit.Not everyone is as much of a shavit as Wolffe.Fox roasts Cody.More osik happens and then goes to hell.By the end of the day, everyone hates Fox.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-5052 | Bly/Aayla Secura
Series: Clone Wars Randomness [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810288
Comments: 37
Kudos: 205





	1. Fox makes a chat

**Author's Note:**

> Fox is bored and makes the biggest mistake of his life by creating a group chat for his batchmates.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fox makes a group chat. Stuff happens. By the end of the day, everyone hates Fox.

_CC-1010 has created the chat 'Alpha Squad'._

_CC- 1010 has invited CC-2224, CC-3636, CC-6454 and CC-5052 to the chat._

CC-1010: Hello people. I'm bored.

_CC-1010 has changed its nickname to 'The Kriffing Oldest'._

_CC-2224 has changed its nickname to 'Suck a bantha, Fox'._

_CC-5052 has changed its nickname to 'BlyintheSky'._

_CC-3636 has changed its nickname to 'Not a Kriffing Furry!!!'._

_CC-6454 has changed its nickname to 'The Actual Oldest'._

The Kriffing Oldest: Kriff off, Ponds. I'm the oldest.

The Actual Oldest: Like hell, you are!

BlyintheSky: You _are_ a furry, Wolffe.

Not a Kriffing Furry!!!: No, I am not.

Suck a bantha, Fox: Yes, you are and Fox, you are not the oldest.

The Kriffing Oldest: I regret making this chat.

The Actual Oldest: Too late! And Wolffe is not a furry but feral instead.

Not a Kriffing Furry: I am _not_ feral either.

The Kriffing Oldest: Yes, you are. You bit a trainer's arm!

BlyintheSky: If that's not feral, I don't know what is.

Suck a bantha, Fox: And Fox is not the oldest.

BlyintheSky: Yes, he is. Deal with it!

The Kriffing Oldest: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Suck a bantha, Fox: Did you just quote Obi-Wan?

The Kriffing oldest: Yes... Why...?

Suck a bantha, Fox: No one quote Obi-Wan but me! Got it?!

The Kriffing Oldest: Oh, shut up, vod'ika. The only people you intimidate aren't even people. They're mouse droids.

Not a Kriffing Furry!!!: Oof. F in the chat for Kote.

BlyintheSky: F

The Actual Oldest: F

_CC-2224 has changed its nickname to 'Cody, not Kote'._

Cody, not Kote: Kriff you guys! I am Cody!

The Kriffing Oldest: Like osik, you are!

Not a Kriffing Furry: We can all agree that Kote is the youngest, Fox is a shavit, I am the oldest, Bly is an innocent little bean and Ponds is a frog.

The Actual Oldest: I am not a frog and Wolffe is not the oldest. 

BlyintheSky: Fox is the oldest.

Cody, not Kote: Since when?

BlyintheSKy: Since I checked the files.

_The Kriffing Oldest has changed The Actual Oldest's name to 'Froggo'_

_The Kriffing Oldest has changed Not a Kriffing Furry's name to 'Bity Boi'_

_The Kriffing Oldest has changed Cody, not Kote's name to 'Kote'_

BlyintheSky: Am I safe.

_The Kriffing Oldest has changed BlyintheSky's name to 'Innocent Bean'_

Bity Boi: Fox, I hate you!

The Kriffing Oldest: I know :)

* * *


	2. "How's life?" "It's a pile of bantha dung. You?" "About the same."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kote complains about stuff, mostly his general's padawan.  
> Fox complains about the Guard.  
> Everyone complains about something.

Innocent Bean: How's life?

Bity Boi: It's a pile of bantha dung. You?

Innocent Bean: About the same.

Kote: I can't stand this anymore!

Innocent Bean: Can't stand what?

Bity Boi: Is it the war?

FrogCommander: We were only deployed a week ago.

The Kriffing Oldest: So glad I'm in the guard.

Kote: No, you di'kuts! It's my general's kriffing padawan!

The Kriffing Oldest: Now I'm really glad I'm in the guard.

Frog Commander: What did he do, Kote?

Kote: He flies like a maniac and ordered every single missile to be fired at his position and the boom! All the separatist droids flew up behind him and he managed to dodge every one of them!!!

Bity Boi: My general would be proud of him! He also flies like a maniac.

The Kriffing Oldest: Do all Jedi fly like maniacs?

Bity Boi: Yes.

Kote: Only the padawan.

Innocent Bean: NO.

Frog Commander: Mine prefers driving.

The Kriffing Oldest: Somehow that's even worse.

Kote: How's life as a policeman? 

The Kriffing Oldest: Pretty boring actually. I would do anything just to be on prison duty.

Innocent Bean: Why? What are you doing right now?

The Kriffing Oldest: Palpatine's paperwork. 

Frog Commander: Wut?

Bity Boi: You're kidding, right?

The Kriffing Oldest: Nope! The Chancellor has hands, he has a secretary. WHY THE KRIFFING HELL WOULD HE PASS IS TO ME???????????

Kote: F in the chat for Fox.

Bity Boi: F

Innocent Bean: F

Frog Commander: F

The Kriffing Oldest: Your lives are _so_ much more interesting than mine. I feel like someone will roast me with the fact that I'm not out on the front lines.

Kote: Obi-Wan. Or one of my ARCs.

Innocent Bean: Can we just agree that all Jedi, who are supposed to be space-monks, have just said: "The Code is a pile of bantha dung!" My General wears barely any clothes and is she supposed to look that hot? Everyone here just stares at her most of the time.

Kote: My General sasses everyone and his Padawan is a whiney shavit with a robotic arm.

Bity Boi: My general adopted all of us and he's only known us for a week.

Frog Commander: My General is crazy. He drives like a maniac instead of flying like one.

The Kriffing Oldest: I am now only kinda glad I'm commander of the Guard.

Kote: I thought you loved it there.

The Kriffing Oldest: I loved it until Chancellor Kriffhead decided to dump a load of _his_ paperwork onto me instead of doing it himself. 

Innocent Bean: We already had this conversation and only now you realise that he's a kriffhead?

The Kriffing Oldest: I would do anything for prison duty. Anything!

Bity Boi: Would you tell Gree that his hair looks like osik!

The Kriffing Oldest: I told him that it looks like two strips of bacon have been glued to his head.

Innocent Bean: That's just rude!

Frog Commander: It is true.

Innocent Bean: Not the point.

Kote: Pretty sure your General _is_ a monk if she's teaching you to behave like that.

Innocent Bean: Di'kuts. I'm surrounded by total di'kuts.

~~~~~~~~~~~

[https://www.wattpad.com/user/this_is_me](https://www.wattpad.com/user/a_smto_fan)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people. Slow updates as I also have a couple of fanfics on Wattpad. Here's the link to my profile if you wanna check them out: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
> I wanna change my username but I forgot my password and Wattpad is being stupid with the email.


	3. The New ARC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kote introduces everyone to his adopted son, an ARC with amazing commanding skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New character!!  
> New complaints!!  
> New nicknames!!

Kote: Hello there, brothers!

The Kriffing Oldest: Our brother has turned into a space-monk. He's never this formal.

Kote: Kriff off, Fox! Let me have this moment. 

Innocent Bean: Leave him alone, Fox.

The Kriffing Oldest: Then leave your General alone too.

Innocent Bean: You like my General?

Bity Boi: He means that you should stop acting all lovey-dovey around your General.

Innocent Bean: I do not!

Frog Commander: Yes, you do.

Kote: Kriff off! I wanted to make an announcement.

The Kriffing Oldest: I swear if this is about that stupid CT you've adopted, I will strangle you and not be sorry about it.

Bity Boi: Yes, you will.

The Kriffing Oldest: You're right. I love all my brothers too much to kill them.

Kote: Even the stupid CT who is one of the best ARCs around?

The Kriffing Oldest: Well, now that you've mentioned that he's an ARC, I want to meet him.

Kote: Good, cause he's joining the chat!

The Kriffing Oldest: He WHAT?!?!?!

_CC-2224 (Kote) has added CT-7567 to the chat._

_CT-7567 has changed its nickname to 'Rexing some droids'._

Rexing some droids: Uhm, hi? Cody, what is this chat?

Kote: This chat is the definition of chaos.

Rexing some droids: Good to know. Why is your name Kote and who's on here?

Kote: 1. None of your business. 2. My batchmates.

Rexing some droids: Let me guess, they're all CCs?

Kote: Yup!

The Kriffing Oldest: Oh, it is the CT you adopted. I'm CC-1010 'Fox'.

Bity Boi: CC-3636 'Wolffe'. It's supposed to be spelt that way.

Innocent Bean: CC-5052 'Bly'. Nice to see you, kid.

Frog Commander: CC-411 'Ponds'.

Rexing some droids: Ribbit.

Frog Commander: KOTE, I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!

Rexing som droids: CT-7567 'Rex'.

Kote: REX, HELP ME.

Rexing some droids: Nope! Quite glad we're currently going to Coruscant.

Frog Commander: Meet you there, vod.

Bity Boi: I like you, kid.

Kote: Rex, where are you?

Rexing some droid: Hanging out with Anakin. He's looking over my shoulder and says hi.

Innocent Bean: The same Anakin that flies like a maniac?

Rexing some droids: DSHNKLCE I DO NOT FLY LIKE A MANIAC!!!!! DHFNRJAE

Bity Boi: What was that?

The Kriffing Oldest: I think that was Commander Skywalker and Rex snatching the holopad from each other.

Kote: Anakin!

Rexing some droids: vriwljlf What? vlenfefrn

_CT-7567 'Rexing some droids' has disconnected._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

The Kriffing Oldest: Guys, Palpatine gave me a mission. Something's off about it.

Innocent Bean: What do you mean?

The Kriffing Oldest: I can't remember any of it.

Bity Boi: What?

The Kriffing Oldest: One moment I was talking to Palpatine. The next moment I'm back at the senate building with a couple of pocket-credits for 79's.

Kote: Wanna go drinking later? Obi's coming with me.

_The Kriffing Oldest has changed CC-2224's nickname to 'Gay for General',_

Innocent Bean: Oh my Force, he is!

Gay for General: FOX!!!!!

_The Kriffing Oldest has changed CC-5052's nickname to 'Straight for General'._

Gay for General: You're forgiven.

Straight for General: ...

Bity Boi: :)))))))))

Frog Commander: Something's wrong with Wolffe.

Bity Boi: My General just adopted me.

_The Kriffing Oldest has changed CC-3636's nickname to 'Plo Koon Jr'._

Plo Koon Jr: Man, I wish.

_The Kriffing Oldest has changed its nickname to 'BigBroFox'._

Frog Commander: Still not the oldest.

Straight for General: Not this again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter and may the Force be with you.


	4. All birds must eventually leave the nest.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rex gets promoted but isn't too happy about it and Wolffe and Fox do detective work..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Galactic Basic and Mando'a swearing in this story.

** Private chat **

Fox: Wolffe? You there?

Wolffe: Yeah, why?

Fox: I need to ask you a favour.

Wolffe: Ok?

Fox: You know the mission I got? The one I couldn't remember?

Wolffe: What about it?

Fox: I need you to hack into Palpatine's report file for me.

Wolffe: Why? Can't you get one of your own men to do it?

Fox: You still owe me for helping you escape prison after you were at 79's the other night.

Wolffe: I hoped you'd forgotten about that too.

Fox: Anyway, I need you to hack into the files. Then through security camera footage, you need to follow me to find out what happened.

Wolffe: Not doing it!

Fox: I'll buy you a beer.

Wolffe: Deal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Alpha Squad **

Rexing some droids: CC-2224! GET YOUR SORRY LITTLE ASS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!

Straight for General: Rex, are you ok?

Rexing some droids: Commander Shithead fucked up my life for me! No, I am not ok!

Frog Commander: Rex, language!

Rexing some droids: Fuck off!

Gay for General: Hi, Rex. Aren't you happy about your promotion?

Rexing some droids: Fuck you, Cody! Go and die in a fucking hole.

Straight for General: Surely you don't actually mean that, Rex?

Rexing some droids: YES, I DO. CC-2224 TURNED MY LIFE INTO A LIVING HELL BY 1ST PROMOTING ME TO CAPTAIN ON MANDALORE, THEN HE HANDS ME OVER TO ANAKIN FUCKING SKYWALKER, I GET PROMOTED TO COMMANDER BUT ONLY FOR AN HOUR AS SKYWALKER DEMOTES ME SAYING, I QUOTE:

" Captain Rex sounds a lot more intimidating and cooler then Commander Rex."

AND THEN I'M LIKE, FUCK YOU SKYWALKER I HAVE WAITED MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE TO BECOME A CC AND THEN YOU JUST HAD TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Gay for General: Sorry?

Rexing some droids: Now I'm stuck with a reckless and insane Jedi, who drives _and_ flies like a maniac and I don't have a commander!

Frog Commander: So, you're saying that you, as a captain, are second in command?

Rexing some droids: Yep!

Straight for General: How did you get promoted to captain in the first place? And on Mandalore too?

Gay for General: Rex earned Jaig Eyes on Mandalore and Obi-Wan would have promoted him to Commander if I wasn't there.

_CT-7567 has changed CC-2224's nickname to 'Commander Shithead'._

Commander Shithead: Oi!

Frog Commander: Rex earned Jaig Eyes on Mandalore?

Rexing some droids: I got a tattoo. Big deal!

Commander Shithead: Rex, Jaig Eyes are a symbol of honour and glory. You earn them by doing something really honourable and brave in battle.

Straight for General: What did he do that was so honourable?

Rexing some droids: The Mandalorians made a mistake by giving them to me.

Commander Shithead: They did not! You sacrificed yourself for our entire battalion and all of Mandalore, gave the Separatists and then destroyed a battle cruiser all by yourself!

Rexing some droids: I blew up a ship, big deal! We do that every day!

Straight for General: You're not a battle pilot though, are you?

Frog Commander: Our little Rex has grown up!

Commander Shithead: He's now a better trooper than Fox and Fox had the highest scores in the history of clones.

Rexing some droids: Where is Fox anyway?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Private chat **

****

Wolffe: Fox! I found something!

Fox: What?

Wolffe: The files said that you went to level 17.

Fox: But that's a restricted area. Even for me.

Wolffe: What's there?

Fox: The secret research laboratories. They do all kinds of stuff there that no one's allowed to know about.

Wolffe: It says that you had to pick up medicine for Palpatine.

Fox: What kind? He can just get medicines from the hospitals that are a 5 minute's flight away.

Wolffe: An eye colour changing drug of some sort.

Fox: So Palpatine's eyes aren't really blue?

Wolffe: It seems so. Can I have that beer you promised me?

Fox: Sure! Been a while since I've gone drinking. The Chancellor gave me the day off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Alpha Squad **

****

Commander Shithead: @BigBroFox @Plo Koon Jr

Straight for General: @BigBroFox @Plo Koon Jr

Frog Commander: @BigBroFox @Plo Koon Jr

Rexing some droids: They could be doing some work.

BigBroFox: With you guys stop @ing me? Congrats, Rex! I'm really proud of you.

Commander Shithead: WHER THE KRIFF WERE YOU GUYS!?!?!?!?!?

Plo Koon Jr: We were doing some detective work on Fox's forgotten mission.

BigBroFox: I had to get an eye colour changing drug from level 17.

Rexing some droids: So Palpatine isn't really Palpatine.

Plo Koon Jr: It appears so. Wanna join us at 79's?

Commander Shithead: Sure.

Frog Commander: Sure.

Straight for General: Sure.

Rexing some droids: I'm down.

Commander Shithead: Kriff you, Rex you broke the pattern.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if I got any of my facts wrong. Just know that this is not canon in any way and nothing but the plot belongs to me.


	5. F in the chat for Rex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rex finally gets a commander! Is he happy about it? No.  
> Wolffe gets arrested and Ponds nearly does too.

Rexing some droids: CC-3636, YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plo Koon Jr: I didn't do it! It was another clone at 79's with a scar on his right eye trying to get with a Twi'lek girl behind the bar!

Straight for General: Wolffe...

Commander Shithead: Fox is on this chat.

Plo Koon Jr: And?

Frog Commander: He's in charge of the Coruscant Guard.

Plo Koon Jr: ... oops.

BigBroFox: Thank you for helping me with this case, Wolffe. Could you please explain to me why his friends looked like Sinker and Boost and were wearing Wolffepack armour?

Plo Koon Jr: They are Comet and Warthog.

BigBroFox: Wolffe, I've already arrested Sinker and Boost. You are going to be put in prison too so I'd run if I were you.

Rexing some droids: ENOUGH! Wolffe's father figure of a Jedi also adopted a young Togruta 11 years ago. She's here as Skywalkers Padawan. Now I'm in charge of 2 crazy Jedi! Actually, they both outrank me but whatever!

Plo Koon Jr: How is that my fault? I've known Plo for a year!

Rexing some droids: She is crazy! Are all Jedi crazy!? HELP!!!!!!

Commander Shithead: F in the chat for Rex.

Plo Koon Jr: F

Frog Commander: F

Straight for General: F

BigBroFox: F. You're still under arrest, Wolffe.

Plo Koon Jr: C'mon, man?! Just this once?

BigBroFox: No, I don't want to be held in front of Palpatine _again_ because you did something stupid.

Frog Commander: Look at that! The two furries are sticking together.

BigBroFox: You're on Coruscant too, right?

Frog Commander: Yes I am, oh... kriffing osik I have to get off this planet. (Who gets the reference?)

BigBroFox: Thorn's outside your door, Wolffe. Trying to escape will only make things more difficult.

Straight for General: What are you doing then?

BigBroFox: Some Paperwork/

Frog Commander: Is it Palpatine's?

BigBroFox: Crime rates this time around. There have been quite a few since Cad Bane escaped for the second time.

_Rexing some droids (CT-7567) has disconnected._

_Commander Shithead (CC-2224) has disconnected._

Plo Koon Jr: Oh, they have a battle now.

Frog Commander we shell pray that this new, crazy Jedi Padawan doesn't get them killed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rexing some droids: Baby Jedi is kinda cool. She saved my butt.

Plo Koon Jr: Baby Jedi?

Straight for General: Pretty sure she has a name.

Commander Shithead: Rex, I don't know what Ahsoka Tano did to get your head in the clouds, but please focus on the battle.

Rexing some droids: Sir, yes, sir 🙄.

Frog Commander: Show some respect, Rex.

_Rexing some droids has disconnected._

BigBroFox: Honestly, you guys should join the Guard. It makes you a lot more mature, and you get to go to 79's regularly.

Commander Shithead: Rex is the only immature one here. Our vod'ika still has much to learn.

Frog Commander: He did earn his Jaig Eyes.

Straight for General: And we are all very proud of him.

BigBroFox: Get your butt back to the battle, Cody!

Commander Shithead: Urgg, fiiiiiiine.

_Commander Shithead has disconnected._

BigBroFox: You 3 wanna go and meet up?

Plo Koon Jr: Absolutely!

Frog Commander: Sure though Bly might be on another date with his General.

Straight for General: Aayla and I are _not_ a thing!

Plo Koon Jr: Right... and Plo Koon hasn't adopted us.

_BigBroFox (CC-1010) has changed CC-5025's nickname to 'Mr Secura'._

Mr Secura: Kriff off, Fox.

BigBroFox: Just doing my duty as the older brother, Bly'ika. Who's up for a drink?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is kinda short but I wanted to post this. Be safe and may the Force be with you!
> 
> My friend has a Star Wars roleplay server and here's the link if anyone wants to join:  
> https://discord.gg/sCQzAN
> 
> Edit: My friend decided to delete the server so here's mine:  
> https://discord.gg/U5uHwFG


	6. 104 KUDOS!!!!!

THIS STORY HAS 104 KUDOS!!!!!! Thank you all for all your support and may the Force be with you!

Plo's bros are some of the best.


	7. Wait, Fox does WHAT?!?!?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FIVES'S DEATH ALRIGHT!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fox does what now? How is that even possible? And then he also gets some unexpected help.

Rexing Some Droids: Hello there!

Straight for General: Hey, Rex!

Commander Shithead: How's everyone's life going?

Frog Commander: I'm good. How is everyone else??

Plo Koon Jr: Good. Where's Fox?

Frog Commander: Yeah, where is he? @BigBroFox

Rexing some droids: @BigBroFox

Commander Shithead: @BigBroFox

Plo Koon Jr: @BigBroFox

BigBroFox: I am the happiest man alive. :)

Frog Commander: What? 

BigBroFox: My life has just changed from exhausting to amazing.

Plo Koon Jr: I swear if this is about that stupid senator from Pantorra you've been obsessed with, I will yeet myself off a cliff.

BigBroFox: 1. She's not stupid! She's quite kind and gave me a cupcake while I was guarding her. 2. Wolffe, don't yeet yourself. I need someone to help me with my 'missions'. I also need a drinking partner.

Plo Koon Jr: No, you don't.

BigBroFox: Yes, we have that _thing_ that needs doing.

Plo Koon Jr: It can wait.

BigBroFox: No, it can't. We're late as it is.

Commander Shithead: What's going on?

Plo Koon Jr: Fox needs help with his new girlfriend, Riyo Chuchi.

Rexing some droids: Riyo's pretty nice wait, WHAT?

Plo Koon Jr: He got a date with Senator Chuchi.

Frog Commander: Fox does what now?

Straight for General: How is that even possible?

Commander Shithead: Fox, I'm the best man to come to for advice on girls.

BigBroFox: You're gay and have a huge crush on Obi-Wan Kenobi who is very much male.

Commander Shithead: Fuck you, I wanted to help!

BigBroFox: Bly, you're straight. Any idea on what to do on a date with a senator?

Straight for General: You have it all wrong. Let her decide it. My girlfriend's a Jedi so I was very nervous when asking her out. She came to me and broke the Jedi Code for me! I love Aayla.

BigBroFox: 1. She's a senator. 2. Riyo can be very shy sometimes. Rex?

Rexing some droids: Nope! Ask her while guarding her or something.

BigBroFox: How do I do that? Ask her to Dex's Diner or something?

Frog Commander: Dex's is quite nice.

Commander Shithead: Take her to 79's?

BigBroFox: SHE'S A SENATOR!!!!

Commander Shithead: I took Obi-Wan there.

Rexing some droids: I'll ask Anakin for help.

Plo Koon Jr: Why Skywalker?

Rexing some droids: He's married to Senator Amidala.

BigBroFox: He's WHAT?!?!?! Senator Amidala is nice. I can't blame him.

Frog Commander: You've met her?

BigBroFox: I met her after someone tried to kill her. Had to stop quite a few attempts on her life. She's a target for most bounty hunters.

Commander Shithead: How did you meet Riyo?

BigBroFox: I saved her from an explosion in the senate building by pushing her out of the way and taking some of the blasts.

Rexing some droids: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, IT'S FUCKING FOX SAVING HIS CRUSH BY DOING SOMETHING STUPID!

Frog Commander: How many of her assassination attempts have you stopped?

BigBroFox: 3 throughout the entire war.

Rexing some droids: The bounty hunters must have it out for her.

BegBroFox: Compared to others, 3 isn't that much.

Straight for General: In what way?

BigBroFox: Throughout the war, PADME FUCKING AMIDALA IS JUST ASKING EVERYONE TO KILL HER!!!!!!!!!!!! 

SHE HAS NO SENSE OF SECURITY AND TENDS TO TAKE MATTERS INTO HER OWN HANDS WITHOUT ANY FORMS OF SECURITY OR CONSULTING THE GUARD. 

SHE DISAPPEARS TO RANDOM PLACES AND LEAVES HER ANNOYING PROTOCOL DROID TO FIND HER!!!

SHE HAS HAD OVER 100 ATTEMPTS ON HER LIFE SINCE THIS FUCKING WAR STARTED!!! 

PADME AMIDALA IS INSANE!!!!!!!

Rexing some droids: I'm forwarding that message to Skywalker.

BigBroFox: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE, REX!

Rexing some droids: Fine!

_CT-7567 has invited anakin_skywalker to the chat._

BigBroFox: REX!!

_anakin_skywalker has changed his nickname to 'Aniawesome'._

Aniawesome: Uhm, hello? Rex, I need an explanation.

Rexing some droids: Well, Anakin, formalities are forbidden, Fox regularly get salty over nothing and has dating issues, Cody is somehow referred to as Kote, Bly also has dating issues, Ponds is just there and Wolffe is a furry.

Plo Koon Jr: I AM NOT A FURRY!

BigBroFox: And most of the time, it's you, Rex, who gets salty over nothing.

Frog Commander: Fox, here is a good example from 5 minutes ago of you getting salty over nothing:

"Throughout the war, PADME FUCKING AMIDALA IS JUST ASKING EVERYONE TO KILL HER!!!!!!!!!!!! 

SHE HAS NO SENSE OF SECURITY AND TENDS TO TAKE MATTERS INTO HER OWN HANDS WITHOUT ANY FORMS OF SECURITY OR CONSULTING THE GUARD. 

SHE DISAPPEARS OFF TO RANDOM PLACES AND LEAVES HER ANNOYING PROTOCOL DROID TO FIND HER!!!

SHE HAS HAD OVER 100 ATTEMPTS ON HER LIFE SINCE THIS FUCKING WAR STARTED!!! 

PADME AMIDALA IS INSANE!!!!!!!"

Aniawesome: Fox, you have some explaining to do and so does Padme. 

BigBroFox: IT'S THE TRUTH!!!!!

Straight for General: He does have dating issues and needs help.

Aniawesome: Well, then. I'm glad I'll be on Coruscant in a couple of days. I guess that Frog Commander is Ponds, BigBroFox is Fox, Straight for General is Bly(she's pretty hot so I don't blame you), Rexing some droids is Rex, Plo Koon Jr is Wolffe and why is Cody Commander Shithead? 

_CC-1010 has changed his nickname to Gay for General._

Aniawesome: I'M TELLING OBI-WAN!!!

Gay for General: FOX!!!!

BigBroFox: Whoops... (sorry, not sorry).


	8. When life gives you lemons you...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when a senator gives you lemons? You tell your brothers about it!
> 
> New shenanigans.  
> New people.  
> New complaints.

BigBroFox: Uhm, guys? Is anyone online? Except for Wolffe who is currently being arrested after going to 79's again.

Straight for General: I'm here. Good job, Wolffe.

Rexing some droids: Kote and I have to leave for Ryloth in a couple of hours and Kote's giving some shinies pep-talks. 

_CT-7567 has changed CC-2224's nickname to_ 'Babysitter'.

Babysitter: Fuck you!

Straight for General: Language!

Frog Commander: Sup, Fox?

BigBroFox: Senator Chuchi gave me lemons and I have no idea what to do with them...

Straight for General: Make lemonade.

Frog Commander: Return them to the store.

Rexing some droids:

Plo Koon Jr: Eat them.

BigBroFox: WOLFFE! PRISON!

Plo Koon Jr: Thire let me out.

Babysitter: You let people on Ryloth kriffing sleep!

BigBroFox: Not good enough.

_CC-1010 has invited CC-4477 to the chat._

_CC-1010 has invited CC-5869 to the chat._

_CC-1010 has invited CC-3974 to the chat. **(Thorn has no canon number so I made it up)**_

_CC-1010 has invited CC-1004 to the chat._

_CC-1010 has invited CC-8826 to the chat._

_CC-1010 has invited CC-1138 to the chat._

_CC-1010 has invited ARc-77 to the chat._ _  
_

BigBroFox: Senator Chuchi gave me some lemons. What do I do with them

_CC-4477 has changed his nickname to 'Thired of the Senate's bullshit'._

_CC- 5869 has changed his nickname to 'Turn to Stone'. **(I love that song)**_

_CC-3974 has changed his nickname to 'A Court of Thorns and Osik'._

_CC- 1010 has changed CC-1004's nickname to 'Bacon Greece Head'._ _  
_

_Straight for General: Valid._

_Bacon Greece Head: OI!_

_CC-8826 has changed his nickname to 'Heyo Neyo'._ _  
_

_CC- 1138has changed his nickname to 'Bacara'._ _  
_

_ARC-77 has changed his nickname to 'Fordo Cars'._

Turn to stone: Ask for a banana instead.

Bacara: Throw them back at life.

Heyo Neyo: When life gives you lemons go murder a clown.

Thired of the Senate's bullshit: Squirt them in your enemies' eyes.

Rexing some droids: You grab a bunch of sugar, add the sugar to the lemon juice you got from the lemon. Blend it all up and sell it for a credit on the street.

A Court of Thorns and Osik: In other words, make lemonade.

Bacon Greece Head: Throw them back at life and demand oranges.

Aniawesome: Do you know who I am? IM THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN... with the LEMONS. I'm gonna get my engineers to work on some combustible lemons.

BigBroFox: Forgot Anakin was on this chat.

FordoCars: Make life take the lemons back. Be like Cave Johnson!

BigBroFox: I'll just make lemon cupcakes.

_CC-1004 has left the chat._

_ARC-77 has left the chat._

_anakin_skywalker has left the chat._

_CC-4477 has left the chat._

_CC-5869 has left the chat._ _  
_

_CC-3974 has left the chat._ _  
_

_CC-8826 has left the chat._ _  
_

_CC-1138 has left the chat._

_Frog Commander: Way to kill the mood, Fox. Way to kill the mood._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was based off Thursday's events when I was doing the dishes and yelled: "WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS YOU PUT THEM BACK IN THE FRIDGE!" 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and may the Force be with you.


	9. Dates and Snow. Make sure he doesn't come back.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wolffe is the ultimate 3rd wheel.  
> Fox wants a guy dead.  
> Rex has frostbite.

Gay for General: Guess who's being promoted to marshal commander!

Plo Koon Jr: Fox.

Rexing some droids: Fox.

Straight for General: Fox.

Frog Commander: Fox.

BigBroFox: CORRECT!!!

Gay for General: Fuck you all.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Plo Koon Jr: I have an important announcement to make!

Rexing some droids: KINDA BUSY, WOLFFE!

Plo Koon Jr: I'm getting you all dates with your COs.

Rexing some droids: My CO is married.

Gay for General: ... that was targeted.

Straight for General: No, help needed :).

Plo Koon Jr: That's fucking adorable, Bly.

BigBroFox: There is a higher chance of Palpatine being a Sith Lord than going on a date with me!

Plo Koon Jr: Wait. Palpatine!?!?

BigBroFox: I ain't got a Jedi General.

Gay for General: How come you haven't been promoted then?

BigBroFox: Because I haven't got a permanent one... The longest was Yoda after a prison break for about 2 weeks.

Otherwise, I have to babysit a bunch of immature shinies and 3 kids who somehow got accepted into ARC training. I am surrounded by literal cadets.

Frog Commander: Oof. General Windu is a 'play-by-the-rules' kinda guy. The Jedi Code forbids relationships.

Plo Koon Jr: Kote?

Gay for General: I would like a date with Kenobi. There's this stupid Duchess from Mandalore who loves him.

Plo Koon Jr: I guess Fox will be the only one getting a date tonight.

BigBroFox: Not even a lifetime supply of beer will convince me to go on a date with Palpatine.

Plo Koon Jr: You obey orders from senators, right?

BigBroFox: Yeah...?

Plo Koon Jr: Meet me at 79's at 1800.

BigBroFox: ...

~~~~~~~

Rexing some droids: I have to assist Chairman Cho and Senator Chuchi on a mission to a Pantorran moon.

Gay for General: Oof. Glad I'm in the med-bay. Get to sit this one out.

Plo Koon Jr: Lucky bastard.

Gay for General: Oi!

_CC-1010 has changes CC-2224's nickname to 'Gay Bastard'._

Gay Bastard: That's homophobic.

BigBroFox: Rex. Can you do me a favour and make sure Cho doesn't come back?

Frog Commander: Where is Fox and what have you done to him!?

BigBroFox: Oh, I stole Fox's comlink while he's on an undercover mission.

_CC-1010 has added CC-3974 to the chat._

_CC-1010 has added CC-4477 to the chat._

_CC-1010 has added CC-5869 to the chat._

_CC-4477 has changed his nickname to 'Thired of this shit'._

_CC-3974 has changed his nickname to 'Thorn of Asgard'._

_CC-5869 has changed his nickname to 'Rock n Roll'._

Thorn of Asgard: Reasons we want Chairman Cho dead:

1\. He treats us like dirt.

Rock n Roll: 2. He dropped a turd in Thire's coffee.

Thired of this shit: 3. He's homophobic.

BigBroFox: 4. He will murder an entire race just to prove a point. Thorn, you're on sanitation once I get back. I have a spare comlink.

Thorn of Asgard: FUCK.

Rexing some droids: So, Thorn's allowed to swear in basic but I'm not!?!?

BigBroFox: CC privelige.

Rexing some droids: This is why you're my least favourite brother.

Frog Commander: Don't all Senators treat you like dirt?

Thired of this shit: Gee, thanks.

BigBroFox: Senator Chuchi doesn't!!

Thorn of Asgard: Neither do Senators Amidala, Onaconda and Organa.

Plo Koon Jr: Now we know the reason for Thorn's haircut.

Rexing some droids: I've known him for an hour and he indeed wants to murder a race of natives on this kriffing cold moon. How do I get him killed while still protecting him?

Thired of this shit: Aim for a different target and miss.

Rexing some droids: I never miss.

Rock n Roll: Do a less good of a job protecting him.

BigBroFox: And make Senator Chuchi your main priority.

Plo Koon Jr: Fox, your date is being postponed.

Frog Commander: That could work.

Rexing some droids: OK then. I'll try not to get killed.

_CT-7567 has disconnected_.

Rock n Roll: Wait, Rex is a CT? I'm Lieutenant and I'm a CC.

Gay Bastard: I promoted him while the 501st was still part of the 212th. He made a huge fuss about it.   
  


Rock n Roll: Hm. Interesting.   
  


~~~~~~~~~~~

Rexing some droids: Turns out that Cho got himself killed anyway. I didn’t do anything except protect him badly. 

Thired of this shit: Finally! Peace in the Coruscant Guard!

~~~~~~~~~~

Thorn of Asgard: I have tea on Fox!

Frog Commander: Spil!

Plo Koon Jr: We already know of his crush on Chuchi. We need something spicier.

Thorn of Asgard: Fox becomes gay when he's drunk. It's hilarious.

Frog Commander: How did you find that out?

Thorn of Asgard: Thire, Stone and I took turns in spiking his drink to see how many shots of whiskey would get him drunk. He started staring at me dreamily and went over to kiss me and started saying how I was his favourite brother and the rest of you are all little shits. He is also a bisexual. Found this out when he broke up with Quinlan Vos a couple of months ago after Vos cheated on him with Kit Fisto.

Plo Koon Jr: I'm gonna remind Monnk to keep an eye on his general next time I see him.

Frog Commander: Fox is bi?

_CC-411 has changed CC-1010's nickname to' BigBiFox'._

BigBiFox: I hate you so much. So so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated in ages but thank you for staying with me. Leave a kudos or comment if you wish and may the Force be with you!
> 
> Starflight out!


	10. I'm in!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm in!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The normal batchmates are part of a bigger chat too.
> 
> TheRealChancellor: Fox  
> Babysitter: Rex  
> Simp: Bly  
> Baby: Cody  
> FeralSon: Wolffe  
> Alien: Gree  
> HammerMan: Thorn  
> Rock: Stone  
> FilHil: Fil  
> Batman: Blackout  
> Yoda'sBoi: Thire  
> Frog: Ponds  
> Douche: Bacara

BigBiFox: Guys.

BigBiFox: I have paperwork.

Frog Commander: That's not out of the ordinary.

BigBiFox: I'll join the main chat discussion in a bit.

Frog Commander: Okay. We're planning to invade Dooku's house.

**_ (Use different clones) _ **

_Chat 'Clone Commanders (+ 1 Captain)'._

Babysitter: And so then after this guy takes down the henchman, I bust in, I do a backflip, stab the bad guy in his neck, and save the day.

Baby: So, wait, let me get this straight.

Babysitter: ya

Baby: You want us to go through all that trouble? Do all of that on the slight chance that it might work?

Babysitter: That's it. That's the plan.

Baby: Alright, I'm in.

Babysitter: You son of a gun.

FeralSon: I'm in too.

Babysitter: Awesome.

Alien: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Rock: Me too.

Babysitter: Fantastic.

HammerMan: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

TheRealChancellor: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Babysitter: OK, yup that's great.

FilHil: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Douche: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Babysitter: Alright, awesome. It seems like everyone's pretty much-

Baby: Well, actually, if he's in, I'm out.

Babysitter: Oh, you're out now. Alright.

Baby: Yeah, I don't like that guy.

FeralSon: Well, if he's out, I'm out too.

Babysitter: Ok

Alien: Well, if he's out, I'm out.

Babysitter: Ok, Ok, um.

Batman: Well, if he's out, I'm in.

FeralSon: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Babysitter: Oh, you're back in. Okay, good.

Baby: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Simp: Well, if he's in, he's in.

Babysitter: Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Simp: I don't know what's going on. I'm just trying to help.

Babysitter: Yeah, that's not helpful.

Rock: You know what? I'm in.

Babysitter: Okay, I thought you were already in.

Rock: I was, but then I changed my mind and I didn't say anything about it and now I'm back in.

Babysitter: Okay, if anyone changes their mind, you gotta that out loud, okay? We're trying to keep track here.

Rock: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Babysitter: You're already- you're the last person that spoke.

Rock: Okay, yeah, so then I'm out.

Babysitter: What?

Alien: Well, if he's out, I'm in.

Rock: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Babysitter: Okay, yeah, no. That doesn't seem compatible.

Yoda'sBoi: Well, if he's in, I'm in. 

Babysitter: What was that? Was that Coruscanti? 

Yoda'sBoi: Ja.

FeralSon: I don't think it was Coruscanti. I think he was just saying that he's in, but with a Coruscanti accent.

Yoda'sBoi: Ja.

FeralSon: Also, I changed my mind. I'm not going anymore.

Babysitter: Kriff.

Simp: Well if he's out I'm still out.

Alien: I'm not going anymore.

Rock: Right, so then I'm not going anymore either.

Baby: That means I'm out.

HammerMan: I'm out too.

Babysitter: Wait. Okay, was you going conditional on him going?

HammerMan: No, I just don't feel like going anymore.

Baby: Well, if he's out, I'm in.

FilHil: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Frog: Alright, I'm in.

Babysitter: Any conditions or you're just going?

Frog: Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. I've been trying to get inside this bag of shredded cheese and I'm in.

Babysitter: Okay, that's not helpful. That doesn't affect anything, so please, nobody share information of that kind. Okay?

Baby: If that guy's eating cheese, I'm out.

Babysitter: What?

TheRealChancellor: Nobody asked, but I'm still in.

Douche: Well, if he's in, I'm in, but now I'm back out. I changed my mind. 

Simp: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Babysitter: He just said he's out.

Simp: Okay, well, I'm still in.

Babysitter: Then why did you- okay, you know what? Let's just go. Maybe grab some lunch, okay? We'll have some food, we'll clear our minds, we'll come back and we'll see who's in and who's out, okay?

Alien: Yeah, okay. That sounds like a good idea. I'm in.

HammerMan: Well, if he's in, I'm in.

Babysitter: Son of a-

TheRealChancellor: bitch! Finish the fucking line!!

Baby: Does Fox have a problem or something that involves people saying "Son of a bitch" instead of "Son of a-"?

_CC-1010 has disconnected._

_CC-4477 has disconnected._

_CC-5869 has disconnected._

_CC-3974 has disconnected._

Simp: What's up with them?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! This is my 1st attempt at doing this so sorry if it's trash. Leave a kudos if you wish and may the Force be with you! Bye!
> 
> Starflight out!


End file.
